Helmets...

Phnom Penh - all of Cambodia, actually, but mostly just the city - has a new "gotta wear a helmet" law. I think it speaks much of a country when people have been zipping around on motos for decades, and they just passed a law requiring helmets.

But that's neither here nor there.

So, this new law went into effect New Year's Day. I found it amusing to watch the dramatic increase of helmet-usage on January 1st. People previously wouldn't wear them. Heck, there were many times I'd neglect my helmet because it's confining and hot, and if just going down the street why bother??? But seriously, motorists dart all over the place here like flies on a corpse, and they care little about their noggins. It's nothing to see a family of four or five piled on a motor bike, maybe with a toddler between the father's legs and a mother in the back holding an infant and maybe even a young kid straddling the back behind mom, hanging on for dear life - none donning the head gear. It's a pattern of behavior so foreign to me, that I've yet to grasp the implications. I often have trouble driving myself around, much less two people, and certainly giving no thought to the idea of three or more.

So, the past couple days I've been amusing myself by checking out the plethura of helmatage on the road. There're types of helmets, as I've classified them: There's the classic crotch-rocket helmet, looking all sporty and fast. It's kinda funny to see people on what is essentially a glorified moped wearing such speed-sensitive head gear. Then there's the skull-cap, harleyesque helmet. These are the sorts of helmets that should typically be accompanied by a 1200cc engine and leather jacket, even more humorous for the moped driver. Finally, there are what I call moped caps. These are little plastic bowls with a chin strap and dorky plastic visor that looks like something added as an afterthought. It fits the bike, that's for sure.

Then, within these three categories there are options. The sporty, speed-suggestive helmets have an average-Joe variation that most people wear. These have cheap-looking plastic designs that scream 1980's. If Zach Morris wore a helmet in Saved By The Bell, it would look like this. And then are are the cool, sleek black ones that have the mirrored front and fire-truck-red phoenix on the back. If a young man wants to be cool, this is his helmet of choice. I want one. The skull caps range from plain blacks and greys - what you would expect - to Hello Kitty and daisies. You'd be surprised how many men don the latter. These strike me as pointless because a person's entire jaw & chin & face are open to whatever damage results from a collision. The moped cap variety of helmet comes in an assortment of primary colors, and people tend towards little decoration with these. It's like they know they're not cool, and there's no point in pretending.

So now people are buzzing around all protected, or at least trying to be protected. Another bonus-humor of sorts is the police trying to enfore the law. See... The police here are goofballs. I've yet to see them preform any real useful purpose other than to block traffic whenever a "dignitary" drives by. When this occurs entire intersections, major ones at that, are shut down for ten minutes plus while His Excellency So-And-So makes his way through down in a black windowed Lexus or Mercedes. I find it completely inequitable and unnecessary. If His Excellency wants to move quickly through town, try writing some real traffic laws and hiring some civil engineers to design real roadways. Why should I have to stop for ten minutes waiting for the big cheeses of Phnom Penh to make there way through? The people here seem unaffected by it, and they actually take the down-time as a chance to socialize and get to know their fellow motorists.

Ok, so back to the police and helmets...

Police here are not what you're thinking. We think car, blue lights, sirens, side-arms... Get that paradigm out of your head and go for three or more Barney Fife's standing on a street corner with billy clubs. They can't really do anything. Even if they happen to have a motorcycle, which is rare, they won't ever give chase. And they don't even inforce all the laws. I'm baffled by their approach really. What they do is pick a "Law of the Month" (as far as I can tell) and enforce that one. It's like they can't be bothered with remembering them all at once. Last couple months it's been mirrors. They decided that all moto's need mirrors. I'd guess only about 50% of the driving population capitulated to this one. So what you had were cops stopping motorists without mirrors when they'd stop at a red light. They'd stand out in front of the moto and force the driver over the curb where he or she would be fined the standard $1.25 ($2.00 or more for foreigners). I thought for the longest time that mirrors must be really expensive for so many people to avoid getting them. I thought this way until one of mine broke and I had to buy a new pair - $1.75. Price couldn't be the reason, so why not just go buy some??? The enforcement of said mirror law reached an all time high before Christmas to the point that you'd see people doing u-turns before intersections where cops were waiting. I mean, get some dang mirrors...seriously, people.

A really fun law is that your lights can't be on during the day. This, apparently, is a severe hazard to motorists' safety. Let me make clear how insane this is by pointing out that even at night when you've got your engine revved all the way, your moto headlight is about as bright as a small Mag Light. I've been stopped once for this. If you really want some great entertainment, drive out of the house with your headlight on during the day and watch how many motorists almost break their neck trying to tell you your lights on. At least they care...

Now that there is a helmet law, the mirror thing is old news. Today I saw at least a dozen go past cops without mirrors, but by gosh they had helmets. I got a kick out of the men in blue trying to decide which helmet-less victims they'd stop, because at least 3 out of 10 had no helmet. Somtimes you'll see them hurriedly conferencing at a red light. I can just imagine them saying, "He looks like he has money! No, no! That one over there! But I don't think we could take him if he tries to run! Chang, get your club ready!"

So I watch and I laugh, and then today, at a red light, I looked at my reflection in a car window and decided I have the most uncool helmet of them all. It's a monstrosity, about ten-times too big for my head, with this goofy visor guard that sticks out in the front a good 12 inches. I'd never even paid it any attention. It has to go. It doesn't fit any of the three categories. I can just imagine the Cambodians saying, "Hey, get a load of that guy! Americans...."