a favorite hym...
Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near;
Praise Him in glad adoration!
Praise to the Lord, who o'er all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires all have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?
Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do
If with His love He befriend thee.
Praise to the Lord! O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him!
Let the "amen" sound from His people again;
Gladly for, aye, we adore Him.
Text: Joachim Neander; translated by Catherine Winkworth
Music: Stralsund Gesangbuch, 1665
Monday, June 23, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
The Weight Of Glory
Sometimes when I have too much to think about I like to put some of it out there on paper, or in this case screen. Tonight is a night for that. It's kinda like organizing a t-shirt drawer or something - if you've got too much stuff in it, you have to pull some of it out and see what's really in there. Then you can start to put it back in a more organized way. That's how I process... What I'm about to write is raw me. I'm not trying to be offensive or blunt, although it will sound that way. In fact this really isn't intended for anyone else to read but me. I don't mind, but that's not the purpose here. If you do read, just take everything as is and know that there's a happy ending.
I just returned from a singles fellowship. It's a group of "young adults" from my church that gets together regularly. I had a good time, but I'll have to admit my brain was light years away. The problem, and yet the blessing, is that I'm going onto the mission field in about a month. I've been pursuing this calling for more than four years, and now the time is right around the corner. I call it a problem, not because it's getting in the way of anything or causing a burden, but because I'm having some trouble dealing with this leaving thing. Have you ever had an instance where you thought one way about yourself and God slowly and gently said, "No way dude." ? The past four months or so have been like that for me.
You see, I've always been the guy that's like, "I wanna go live in a hut in the jungle and share the gospel and give my life up for Jesus!" Half of my university education consisted of Christian Studies, so I was always around the amateur theologian crowd. That's basically where this calling developed. In the epic search for a major I finally sailed ashore onto the land of "The Ministry." This is kind of a cliche term these days. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard, "I feel called into the ministry" I would be listed in the Fortune 500. I'm not downplaying that calling, but I think lots of people say they feel called to the ministry when what's really happening is they're feeling called to be real Christians. (I'm getting a little off-track here, but I'll get back to the mission-field-and-me thing in a second.)
In most of our churches here in America there is no real sense of the need for true service or of the urgency of the gospel or of mercy demonstrated among the least of these. Many young folks see this and they know it should be different, but they believe that the ones to serve and preach and teach are the "ministers" while all the other pew-warming, affluent, self-made followers of Christ are the "normal Christians." So when one of these young people feels that he or she wants to get up off the pew and do something about it, he or she will profess a "calling to ministry." Immediately this creates a dichotomy between what every Christian SHOULD be doing, and what people perceive as the role of quote-unquote ministers. Don't mistake my meaning; some of these callings into full-time ministry are very genuine. I just think, from experience and observation, that many are not.
My case, in the begining, was very much like what I just described. In searching for a career I had to ask myself, "What's most important to you?" That's a tough question, if you think about it, because we value conflicting goals and ideals. Someone may value a really high salary but doesn't want to admit to pursuing money or material goods. Another person may value humanitarian goals but knows that this will mean a life a hard work and exclusion from the American dream. Other people may want to make an impact for the good, whatever that may be. That was me my freshman year in university. Because my context here is as a follower of Christ, I wanted to be used of God in the most effective and eternally significant way possible. That excluded a lot of things, but it also opened the door to a whole array of choices. Preaching, counseling, youth ministry, music, medicine, and even politics seemed like avenues for having an impact. Eventually I realized with the help of friends and mentors that I needed to discover my gifts and then go after them. I liked languages, I liked foreign cultures, and I liked the idea of getting to travel, so I began to pursue the idea of foreign mission work. After my first trip overseas I was hooked.
My horizons expanded a thousand percent, and I came home fit to be tied. Some really good things came out of this, and some really bad things came too. I read and read and read about missionaries and about the call to go share the gospel and about how to minister in different cultures. I also discovered that many of my friends were feeling the same way. There was actually a missionary click at school, if you can believe it. As for me, I wanted to be the next Jim Elliot - I wanted to go to the hard places and live the hard life and, live or die, serve Christ. I can actually remember times when I said things like, "I'm the kinda guy who can live anywhere and eat anything." Unbelievable. These kind of attitudes were pretty common, and from time to time we unconsciously played this little game I titled, "Who's the Best Missionary?" Here're the rules: 1) You have to be planning to go into missions. If not then you don't really count. 2) You have to make at least one misisons trip, preferably more. The more you make the higher your score. 3) The missionary who goes to the hardest place and does the hardest work gets 100 bonus points. Possibility of death or imprisonment indicates a true heart of service. This is your trump card. For example, working with Muslim youth in Pakistan would trump doing college outreach in France. Doing undercover Bible storying in communist China would trump building a church in Mexico. 4) You have to have read at least four missionary biographies and listened to "Doing Missions When Dieing Is Gain" by John Piper. Otherwise you don't really have a heart for missions.
Believe it or not, we played this game. We danced this prideful dance for all to see. I'm not really sure if it ever really crossed our minds what we were doing, but....there we were. Like Paul I elevate myself to the position of chief in this sad game. I played it hard and well. The funny thing is, less than half of those "sold out for missions" are now going.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, I'm trying to admit some pride here. And this is why: the time for me to finally become the missionary is here. I'll be leaving soon. I've finally found an awesome church. I never thought after leaving my old one that I had time to connect with a new community of believers, but the Lord dropped one in my lap. He is really too good to me. I'm sad to be leaving them. My family has become more and more important to me the older I get, and now I'm leaving them just when things are getting interesting. The little brother has finally grown up, and the older he gets the closer and I grow. Now I'll miss most of his college years and his baseball games. I never really had a real best friend, but God's given me one of those recently too. It's just one more relationship that is about to be "infringed upon" by this missions thing. What else? Oh yeah, how could I forget the big one? All I've ever really wanted for myself was to have a family. Material things have never held much interest for me. I just want a wife to love and some kids to call me "daddy." Yet here I am, 25, and still single. I know deep down that God has this all under perfect control. You know that right? He really does. It's not an if-then situation; it's a 2+2=4 situation. No need to argue. So why are you whining, Bryant? Well, I don't know that I am really. I mean, I think I'm just laying my heart out there. The kid back in college who was ready to go and lay it all down is still ready, but now I think I realize that it's not me producing that desire. God has to have planted it there and watered it and nurtured it. Because the "me" side of me is gonna pout about saying goodbye and missing out on American life for three years, be it church or dating or football or the gym or AC or Subway sandwiches or you name it. The missionary game is over. Now the real thing begins. I think I've finally realized that if God wanted me to go live in the jungle and be the next Jim Elliot I would have left three years ago; I wouldn't still be sitting here.
God is patient. He is infinitely kind toward us, His children. Why He bothers with me so much is still a huge mystery.Part of me thinks that God is showing me here, at the end, that He is still my Father. He isn't witholding any good thing! I can only assume that the good things now will be strengthened in the next few years. The perspective I'm trying to have is one of excited anticipation. The gospel will be preached to thirsty souls. May many hear and believe! I'll learn so much while I'm gone and come home ready for life's next step. God will continue to work through my church, and I can't wait to read the reports. All other doubts and fears and grumblings are laid at His feet where they belong, and I can walk away confident of His sovereign plan. The mission field is all around us. That's a trite Christian slogan, but it's biblical. My mission field, for the time being, happens to be on the other side of the world. If the Father wills, I'll come back having lived these words of Martin Luther:
Let goods and kindred go
This mortal life also
The body they may kill
God's truth abideth still
His kingdom is forever
Bryant
I just returned from a singles fellowship. It's a group of "young adults" from my church that gets together regularly. I had a good time, but I'll have to admit my brain was light years away. The problem, and yet the blessing, is that I'm going onto the mission field in about a month. I've been pursuing this calling for more than four years, and now the time is right around the corner. I call it a problem, not because it's getting in the way of anything or causing a burden, but because I'm having some trouble dealing with this leaving thing. Have you ever had an instance where you thought one way about yourself and God slowly and gently said, "No way dude." ? The past four months or so have been like that for me.
You see, I've always been the guy that's like, "I wanna go live in a hut in the jungle and share the gospel and give my life up for Jesus!" Half of my university education consisted of Christian Studies, so I was always around the amateur theologian crowd. That's basically where this calling developed. In the epic search for a major I finally sailed ashore onto the land of "The Ministry." This is kind of a cliche term these days. If I had a nickel for every time I've heard, "I feel called into the ministry" I would be listed in the Fortune 500. I'm not downplaying that calling, but I think lots of people say they feel called to the ministry when what's really happening is they're feeling called to be real Christians. (I'm getting a little off-track here, but I'll get back to the mission-field-and-me thing in a second.)
In most of our churches here in America there is no real sense of the need for true service or of the urgency of the gospel or of mercy demonstrated among the least of these. Many young folks see this and they know it should be different, but they believe that the ones to serve and preach and teach are the "ministers" while all the other pew-warming, affluent, self-made followers of Christ are the "normal Christians." So when one of these young people feels that he or she wants to get up off the pew and do something about it, he or she will profess a "calling to ministry." Immediately this creates a dichotomy between what every Christian SHOULD be doing, and what people perceive as the role of quote-unquote ministers. Don't mistake my meaning; some of these callings into full-time ministry are very genuine. I just think, from experience and observation, that many are not.
My case, in the begining, was very much like what I just described. In searching for a career I had to ask myself, "What's most important to you?" That's a tough question, if you think about it, because we value conflicting goals and ideals. Someone may value a really high salary but doesn't want to admit to pursuing money or material goods. Another person may value humanitarian goals but knows that this will mean a life a hard work and exclusion from the American dream. Other people may want to make an impact for the good, whatever that may be. That was me my freshman year in university. Because my context here is as a follower of Christ, I wanted to be used of God in the most effective and eternally significant way possible. That excluded a lot of things, but it also opened the door to a whole array of choices. Preaching, counseling, youth ministry, music, medicine, and even politics seemed like avenues for having an impact. Eventually I realized with the help of friends and mentors that I needed to discover my gifts and then go after them. I liked languages, I liked foreign cultures, and I liked the idea of getting to travel, so I began to pursue the idea of foreign mission work. After my first trip overseas I was hooked.
My horizons expanded a thousand percent, and I came home fit to be tied. Some really good things came out of this, and some really bad things came too. I read and read and read about missionaries and about the call to go share the gospel and about how to minister in different cultures. I also discovered that many of my friends were feeling the same way. There was actually a missionary click at school, if you can believe it. As for me, I wanted to be the next Jim Elliot - I wanted to go to the hard places and live the hard life and, live or die, serve Christ. I can actually remember times when I said things like, "I'm the kinda guy who can live anywhere and eat anything." Unbelievable. These kind of attitudes were pretty common, and from time to time we unconsciously played this little game I titled, "Who's the Best Missionary?" Here're the rules: 1) You have to be planning to go into missions. If not then you don't really count. 2) You have to make at least one misisons trip, preferably more. The more you make the higher your score. 3) The missionary who goes to the hardest place and does the hardest work gets 100 bonus points. Possibility of death or imprisonment indicates a true heart of service. This is your trump card. For example, working with Muslim youth in Pakistan would trump doing college outreach in France. Doing undercover Bible storying in communist China would trump building a church in Mexico. 4) You have to have read at least four missionary biographies and listened to "Doing Missions When Dieing Is Gain" by John Piper. Otherwise you don't really have a heart for missions.
Believe it or not, we played this game. We danced this prideful dance for all to see. I'm not really sure if it ever really crossed our minds what we were doing, but....there we were. Like Paul I elevate myself to the position of chief in this sad game. I played it hard and well. The funny thing is, less than half of those "sold out for missions" are now going.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, I'm trying to admit some pride here. And this is why: the time for me to finally become the missionary is here. I'll be leaving soon. I've finally found an awesome church. I never thought after leaving my old one that I had time to connect with a new community of believers, but the Lord dropped one in my lap. He is really too good to me. I'm sad to be leaving them. My family has become more and more important to me the older I get, and now I'm leaving them just when things are getting interesting. The little brother has finally grown up, and the older he gets the closer and I grow. Now I'll miss most of his college years and his baseball games. I never really had a real best friend, but God's given me one of those recently too. It's just one more relationship that is about to be "infringed upon" by this missions thing. What else? Oh yeah, how could I forget the big one? All I've ever really wanted for myself was to have a family. Material things have never held much interest for me. I just want a wife to love and some kids to call me "daddy." Yet here I am, 25, and still single. I know deep down that God has this all under perfect control. You know that right? He really does. It's not an if-then situation; it's a 2+2=4 situation. No need to argue. So why are you whining, Bryant? Well, I don't know that I am really. I mean, I think I'm just laying my heart out there. The kid back in college who was ready to go and lay it all down is still ready, but now I think I realize that it's not me producing that desire. God has to have planted it there and watered it and nurtured it. Because the "me" side of me is gonna pout about saying goodbye and missing out on American life for three years, be it church or dating or football or the gym or AC or Subway sandwiches or you name it. The missionary game is over. Now the real thing begins. I think I've finally realized that if God wanted me to go live in the jungle and be the next Jim Elliot I would have left three years ago; I wouldn't still be sitting here.
God is patient. He is infinitely kind toward us, His children. Why He bothers with me so much is still a huge mystery.Part of me thinks that God is showing me here, at the end, that He is still my Father. He isn't witholding any good thing! I can only assume that the good things now will be strengthened in the next few years. The perspective I'm trying to have is one of excited anticipation. The gospel will be preached to thirsty souls. May many hear and believe! I'll learn so much while I'm gone and come home ready for life's next step. God will continue to work through my church, and I can't wait to read the reports. All other doubts and fears and grumblings are laid at His feet where they belong, and I can walk away confident of His sovereign plan. The mission field is all around us. That's a trite Christian slogan, but it's biblical. My mission field, for the time being, happens to be on the other side of the world. If the Father wills, I'll come back having lived these words of Martin Luther:
Let goods and kindred go
This mortal life also
The body they may kill
God's truth abideth still
His kingdom is forever
Bryant
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